You know what I never had someone ask me to prom in such a cute way, matter of fact no one even asked me to prom! And I totally secretly wish for someone to ask me. Like I would have even thought it was cute if someone wrote a note and just put it in my locker in between classes, as long as it wasn’t a text message or asked casually. But thats over with and like I went by myself because like fuck it, I’m a fucking diva and there isn’t anything wrong going by myself lmao. But anyways it got me thinking, I BETTER get proprosed in the most fab fucking way ever because I fucking deserve it! (well thats if I even get a boyfriend first ha!) And I don’t even care if it’s “high expections” I know what the fuck I deserve. Thank you. 

Omg, if you don’t fucking stop appearing in my got damn dreams.

Lol mannn, I know what emotional phase I’m going through now, I just didn’t want to admit to my self for a while cause I was always like man, shit like that don’t phase me. I lied to myself like shit.

Just when you thought you figured out something, something else decides to happen and youre just like damn, how the fuck did I get here? When did this happen? Where do I go now? Where am I even going?! Hahah fucking life man, no one can ever figure that shit out. 

So along with trying to actually understand with everything going around me, I decided to go ahead and stay off instagram and turned off my phone. Well not really more like, only family and my bestfriend kelsey can only contact me lol. I mentioned instagram only for the fact that I realize going on that damn thing irks the shit out of me because people get on my nerves, and I’m human I start to wish I was where people are at. So I wont be much in contact with people. Anyways I decided to go forth with this for about 2 weeks minimum, so I can really come to an understanding. Most of you probably wont read this lol so why I’m writing this I don’t know I guess for those who are similar and like to read people’s actual writing. But anyways, Im trying to come to an understanding with actions I have done and in learning my lesson. Right now, how I’m feeling is shitty. I mean my eyes are wide open, I believe I see things how they really are and how much my fucking actions have taken a toll on me. I realized I was super fucked up on someone I loved and I fucked up our whole relationship. So right now however it is that I’m feeling, I need to feel, to learn my lesson, to understand where it is I went wrong, to be a better me.. 

I’m gonna be alone for a while. Like actually full blown, I have no one to talk to type shit. I know I am. And that’s alright. I felt that change coming. And I know it’s a change that has to happen. I have to come to understanding with the emotions that have been thrown at me. Learn from my actions. I’ll be down for a couple days. I know I’ll be. But I’ll pick myself up, I always do. So I guess it’s like a mini hiatus from life and people. I just hope people don’t take it the wrong way. But whatevss. I’ll comeback.

Its really fucking annoying when im feeling super fucking fab and something will remind me of you. And then I get angry because I fucking hate you and you’re a piece of shit and you ain’t shit. But then I remember happy memories and get sad because I know I miss you deep down. But I hate you anyways cause you don’t care about anything anymore so fuck you. Im fucking fabulous. 

I’m slowly forgetting things about you. Part of me really doesn’t want to. That’s the part that’s holding all the oldest memories. Then the other part is just like, well it’s time because towards the end, he wasn’t treating you like much. But I still cling on to what’s left while you have already forgotten..

FUCK BEING A SIZE 5 IN SHOES! MOTHERFUCKERS THINK A BITCH CANT HAVE SMALL FEET OR SOME SHIT! A BITCH CAN NEVER FIND CUTE REASONABLE PRICED SHOES IN FUCKING AMERICA DAWG! I GOTTA ALWAYS SPEND MORE THAN $100 ON SHOES! A NIGGA BROKE AND TRYNA SURVIVE AND STILL BE CUTE. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. YA RACIST TO MA TINY FEET. FUUUUUUCCKKKK YOUUUU!!!!! FORREAL!